"I don’t understand why people are so upset at having Trump as a candidate."
Categories: satire

Epic comment found on this Metafilter thread, by user bionic.junkie:

I don’t understand why people are so upset at having Trump as a candidate. I think he’s exactly the kind of candidate we need to get America back on track.

For most of our political history there’s been a wink-wink, nudge-nudge along with a gentlemen’s handshake between the politcal establishment, business interests and the mainstream media. And while it seems to have been getting more blatant in its connectedness, there has still been a veneer of deniability that has given the whole process the perception of respectability. What we need now is a candidate who isn’t afraid of respectability. Or having a moral center or even good taste. What we need is a candidate who embraces the political establishment for what it is, and then is willing and able to take it to the next level. If Trump becomes president, we can have a chance at some real change.

I foresee a Trump driven America where the facade of separation between government, business and media is finally dissolved. With the veil finally lifted, the organizations can work together out in the open, without any competing interests of checks and balances. In that new atmosphere, the most patriotic institution of business will spearhead the direction with government passing and/or dismantling the laws to open the doors to progress, while the media will report on the great strides business is taking to secure the prosperity of our country.

We all know that there is a debt crisis in America due to a lack of funds available for entitlement programs such as Medicare, veteran’s benefits, Social Security and the plethora of other hand-outs that have been draining the coffers of the American Dream. And while we certainly could increase the tax rate on the financially stable in this country, that wouldn’t be fair to those individuals and families who have had the foresight to make their generational inheritance work for them.

Further, I am sure we are all aware of the importance of the business community to the very foundational existence of America. For without business, this nation would just be a group of people with ideals and principles — and who is going to respect that? No, business is the life blood of this country. And as with all the things American, the bigger the better, the more patriotic. So it follows that the biggest businesses would be the most patriotic and therefore the most American.

In order to cut costs, any and every means of revenue should be pursued. In this new age, the antiquated institutions in Washington D.C. will be relocated to Trump office buildings in New York City, the business center of the world. The old capitol buildings will be converted to a theme park and museum and renamed Six Flags American Adventure. But do not fear, the old capitol will not fall completely out of favor. It will still be used to host foreign dignitaries at the newly developed Trump Hotel and Suites, with state dinners sponsored by Omaha Steaks, Applebees and Pizza Hut.

Further cost reductions would be made by contracting (and later completely privatizing) the military. After the Supreme Court of the United States and the Congress are converted into the the Supreme Board of Directors of the United States (SBODOTUS), the decision will be made to have the military take on the task of municipal police duties as well. After a time, the military will also be cross-trained in firefighting and medical services, so as to further reduce bureaucratic redundancy. This will have the net effect of not only reducing the amount of money given to greedy public unions (now illegal, along with all collective bargaining), but also save on costs to vetrans services, and fix the healthcare problem once and for all.

Public education will undergo a long needed transformation. The SPODOTUS will partner with Univeristy of Phoenix, National University and ITT Tech to create an educational program serving all students K-9. By the ninth grade all students will be qualified in their pre-identified field to enter the workforce. There will be an extended track for those qualified for the financial services industry and pharmaceutical research. There will also be a specialized track at the remaining private universities of Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Stanford for those who have shown generational competence in business and government.

It’s changes like this that will put America back on the track to competitive greatness. And only a candidate such as Trump to make it happen. We need a candidate like Trump to take the reigns of America’s destiny and steer in in the right direction. Sure, it may not be the direction the founder’s intended, but it’s the direction that we need for business to succeed. It will take a real patriot such as Trump to make those changes that would be best for all of America.

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